Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Chic Noir = miss cleo psychic advisor

I just knew this was going to happen. There was never an if but when in my mind.

Man arrested after ejaculating during TSA pat-downA 47 year old gay man was arrested at San Francisco International Airport after ejaculating while being patted down by a male TSA agent. Percy Cummings, an interior designer from San Francisco, is being held without bail after the alleged incident, charged with sexually assaulting a Federal agent.

According to Cummings’ partner, Sergio Armani, Cummings has “multiple piercings on his manhood” which were detected during a full body scan. As a result, Cummings was pulled aside for a pat-down. Armani stated that the unidentified TSA agent spent “an inordinate amount of time groping” Cummings, who had apparently become sexually aroused.

Cummings, who has a history of sexual dysfunction, ejaculated while the TSA agent’s hand was feeling the piercings. The TSA agent, according to several witnesses, promptly called for back up. Cummings was thrown to the ground and handcuffed.

A TSA spokesperson declined to comment on this specific case, but said that anyone ejaculating during a pat-down would be subject to arrest.

I coped this from dirty mo

So my questions are:

Since this is a naturally occurring thing, why is Percy being arrested for it?

How did the TSA officer know that Percy came? Was Percy moaning loudly? Was he splashed with Percy rocket launch of body fluids?

Did the piercings make Percy ultra sensitive?

Why is Percy's last name "Cummings" so fitting?

What did the officer think would happen if he spent such a long time playing with the man?

Why the hell did he need to feel around the piercings?

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Ohio police officer Jonathan Seiter saved by a Black woman

Wow, I'm speechless.

I hope this sister will be okay.

that was a bold move

some folks in the hood will not like this.

she might get got.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

beta dad

just another day in the life of a beta :(

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

cute kids alert

Just makes my heart melt

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Monday, December 13, 2010

Caption This

*Doug comes and takes a look*

*Doug counts the number of babies that appear before him*

*doug thinks of the child support and allimoney*

*doug turns green*

*then blue*

*doug promply dead faints*

Saturday, December 11, 2010


chic noir in white tank: *chic noir steams to self* Every time I turn around there's some new girl making moves on my default*

defualt in plaid " let me read your palm, I see a twinkle in your eyes"

new girl in white button down * awe struck*


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Is Victoria Secret Racist? NO

I had a conversation with someone over on the jezebel site about Victoria Secret.

Now I don't agree with the jungle theme in their latest fashion show but overall I've got to give Victoria Secret a B+ for it's use of Black models and women of color. They've used blk models who span the color spectrum and even body types of those on the thinner side. Naomi Campbell, Tyra Banks, Yasmin Warsame, Chanel Iman, Lyndsey Scott,Arlenis Sosa, Oluchi Onweagba, Noemie Lenoir, Seeilee Lopez, Alec Wek, Selita Ebanks, Jourdan Dunn, Emanuela De Paula,Ajuma, Jessica White,Katja Shchekina, Aninata Niaria, Kiara Kabukuru,Adrianna Lima(yup I'm claiming her) and a few more whose names escape me right now.

this post is dedicated to peanut,Y,Larina,Lais, and noname.

were is Desi?


Sunday, November 28, 2010

wham bam thank you nam

*whiskey sigh*

For all the hate about NAMS that's posted in these parts, lets cheer things up a bit. This is a flashmob there to celebrate the birthday of an bus driver. As you can see, Mukhtars is a NAM, an East African to be exact. And this takes place in Copenhagen, Denmark. I teared up at the end of this video. watch it and you'll see why.

*chic noir sends up an injera baked cake to Mukhtar.

first saw this video at the essential man. Betas you all need to read this site for tips on manliness minus the woman hate.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

youtube madness

by why is he so nasally sounding??? The blk mail version of Barbara Streisand if I ever heard one.

Monday, November 15, 2010

funny stuff

Love you lauren

for all of you curious about what a SWPL is, this is 1/2 of the equation.

Friday, November 12, 2010

alpha island

alpha isn't only a state of mind, it's a way of being.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Paleo Diet, more crap for you to waste your money on!

paleo what

paleo who

paleo why?


This proves my point!!!!

Eat less food, wear smaller sizes(KL)

don't forget to walk for 1 hour 5xper week.

It's a sham seeing my fellow Americans being pulled around by the doctor scientists. I'm so writing my own weight loss book, I'll call it

For Those Size 6 Girls Trying To Live In A Size 0 World. How to lose 20 pounds in 2 months all while eating what you want... just less of it.

*chic noir goes off into the corner to do the dougie with Joe,desi, and Too Tall Jones*

Cute Baby Alert
If you are having a case of the baby rabies do not click this link.

Monday, November 8, 2010

alpha,beta or omega

you call it folks.

I love how he's accessorized just so.

why does he have more waist to hip definition than most American women???

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

new music

*somewhere in their mom's basements, 1stdv,rose, and rossh sit down to look at chic noir's latest hilarious post*

*the three press play simultaneously*

onestd "the namfacation continues"
*dead faints*

rose " she's fat... no really fat, fat fat fat fat fat fatie. I bet she has some unsuspecting provider beta taking car of those kids while she's out running behind Tyrone"

roosh " fat, overentittled, American ..... she can't even play an instrument and she calls herself a musician"

Monday, November 1, 2010

Halloween... alpha style!

A sexy he-lioness. and that's what ya call "thick" or phat btw.

Your best friend if you're an alpha with a high score card.

Tiger woods

photos curt YKDAW

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


pole dancing is now considered a form of exercise right?

Gotta give this chick points though, she is very good at it.

*mu obsidian like fat women aka apeman looks over at obsidian and whispers to PA*
"well, you know who I blaime for this"

*PA nods head in agreement & says *
"goodbye joan jet and hell mudsha*k"

Rose eat your heart out!

Rose screw you & your army test of fitness. Did you see her do pull ups on that pole. This woman would pass wit flying colors.

I bet Jerry would tear her up :)

Monday, October 25, 2010

Sunday, October 24, 2010

the Chateau Turnes- the big breakfast part 2

Part 2 of 3

read part one here

The Big Breakfast

Doug alpha struts with his fresh pair of easy spirits and his silk pajams suit on looking like the chateau's very own hugh hefner out to the veranda to enjoy his breakfast at the alpha table. All the while basking in the glow of bitter beta hatraid.

*Doug hums a little ditty to himself in a Sinatra like voice*

Betas gonna hate
10's get all the dates
an alpha never waits

chrous hate on me.
hate on me
I said... hate on me.

betas always bait
10's get all the mens
alphas always win.

hate on me
hate on me
I said... hate on me.

On out to the Vernanda we see the three species of men as we know them.

At one table we have our betas. The table that seats the betas is very long. On one end you have your nice beteas like Default User, Comment Whatever,Keith,college boy,pollymath, and MQ.

*chic noir goes down the line to give each and everyone of them a hug*

On the other end of the beta table you have your mean betas.

the drink brothers, whiskey and rum who fall right in the middle of the spectrum, sit along the mid point of the table.

You would think that even with a recession and all, roissy would be decent enough to spring for a new table for the betas but no he doesn't.

The beta table is so bad that one of the legs is missing so the guys crazy glued an old mop handle where the leg should be so that the table can be somewhat leveled.

When Whiskey is in one of his brooding woo is beta moods. He's been known to slam his elbows on the table which sends eveyone's drinks and food flying.

The chairs are rather shabby as well. Their are mix match law chairs, folding chairs,run down wooden chairs full of splinters, and a few milk crates.

Well at least the betas have tables and chairs... the omegas... Oh Lord.

the Omegas sit on grass. The only thing seperating omegas from the ants and other creatures of the dirt are thin used and abused table clothes. Well, it's not like the omegas eat much. Most of them weigh 100 lbs soacking wet. The way they see it, their vegan, raw food slow cooked locally grown diet of green grass juice needs and seads makes them far healthier than any carnovoire slab of red meat eating alpha. In fact what little the omegs do eat is shared with the women that love them.

Yup those evil weevil American feminist lawyer man hating sugery drinks cankles having latte drinking shebeasts. Why if I didn't know any better I would swear we where living in the days of Romans. The bird chested omegas are gently feeding the hot breathed fem lawyer blabber mouthed emotional banshes grapes off a vine one by one while other omegas stand around to fan them with giant feathers. Kim,anon, Al ,marcus A, and the other feminists don't lift a finger cause the omegas are doing all the work for them.

Now the alpha table is a sight to behold. It's well made from marble and gold. The chairs are orginal Louis xvi which have been reupholstered and customed to fit the character of each alpha.

Well after keeping everyone waiting forever... out come the alphas. Oh what a mighty group of alphas we have here. Of course out comes the struting and so debnoire alpha doug daper #1 poon traper. Bhetti gently lays a napkin in doug's lap and smiles sweetly at doug. Behind Doug, other alphas slowly make their entrance. After all, alphas don't rush because that's what betas and omegas are for.

next up...

Uncle Mu/Obsidian who suavely peacock alpha struts to his seat.

Brown Sugar stands up after polishing the legs of Mu's chair and whispers to MU ...

"my king, you seat is ready"

*mu pops his collar, throws his nose up at the hbd betas and takes his seat*

Next out is the tall strapping handsomley Nordic looking Whellmer. With an angery scoul on his face, enough flannel to burn through the Florida Everglades, and an aggresive walk that gives him the look of an extra right out of Niverana's teen spirit video. Combined with the gentelness he shows his kids, the women are in gina tingle heaven just from Whellmers presence alone.

rebellious vanilla chants to herself " whellmer is the ideal, whellmer is the ideal, whellmer is the ideal"

A minute latter out comes Roshv with the flag of his latest score saftey-pinned to his shirt. Now Rooshv is the most petite of our alphas but don't get it twisted, he still all alpha. why he has the body hair of ten 6'5 studs.

Roosh uses the help of a step stool to climb into his alpha chair. leaning back against his booster seat, his back hair get stuck to the chair like velcro.

*anouck goes to help rooshV*

chic noir grabs anouck by the arm and says: "don't"

A few minutes later out comes VK...

Now VK ain't one to get into the flaming racewars with the trolls. In fact he will play along with some sterotypes if it means getting the woman that he wants. That's why this morning he comes out struting in a leopard print loin cloth.

pupu says:

"oh my, oh wee
VK has too much for me!"

rebellious vanilla's mouth falls open.

tupac leans in to whisper: and you gonna need to leave that badboy open to get it all in.

DA bangs his fists against the tale and wails "VK has set blk people back 200 years with this getup he has on."

nicole turns to DA " but it is better that he is not one of the shepple. He has his own mind and is an independant thinker. "In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play. "

sofia yells "Friedrich Nietzsche"

a bitter beta utters " I hate smart women"

Whiskey takes note of the way the women of the chateu behave after seeing VK and says "I knew it I knew it I knew it. There is no hope for us wonder bread betas"

A few minutes later here comes Rose. Holding his arms at a 90 degree angle that is congruent with his hips, nose slighlty turned upwards cause that's the most alpha way to approach a crowd according to a study done by the untied states federation of phycatrists who live and breath to study female 10's.

next comes Dragnet. Uttering wise words that all the betas listen to in a transfixed state and shake their heads in agreement with.

An Ferdinand comes out fussing,cussing and yelling about the nerds in club sigmode. Itwas movie night, they keep Ferdinand up all night while watching Return Of The NAMS.

Ferdinand "I swear, I hate nerds with everything in my soul." " I can't stand them, herd like creatures."

1std mumbles under his breath " better than NAMS"

Ferdinand turns to 1stdv rips off her shirt and yells "What was that nerd boy?"

*maurice the diplomat comes over to calm Ferdinand*

maurice "now ferdinand, everyone knows you can't stand nerds but give the guys a break."

*Ferdinand takes Maurices advice and has a seat*

*SD winks at Maurice*

Rickyraw aka T comes staggering out. T is on day 21 of his 30 day of alpha fast and he's feeling very weak. Looks over at some beta who paid 300 bucks for a pair of pre washed worn denim and clucks his tongue.

PA comes out alpha struting t with a set of HB10 PA style Eastern European twins, one on each arm.They're know as Hello&Good bye around the chateau. Why Hello&Goodbye? ??

Cause their chests and bottoms are so flat, you can tell if they're coming or going.

Just as the alphas are seated and begin to greet one another, the most alpha of them all prepares to make his entrance.

epoxy sofine pauses on the thresshold of door to turn to listen to lilgrl who slaps him on the butt and whispers in his ear "go make me proud baby".

With that epoxy is off.

Epoxy alpha struts across the thresshold like a man on top of the world. Clears his throat and everyone stops to stare. Alphas, beatas,omega, young and old, female lawyer beasts , sweet natured libarians, 10s and 2s. Aged 8 to 80 deff, dumb ,blind, and crazy.

A group of white dolves who were making a nest, see epoxy and imediatly abandonned their task. The dooves swooped down to sing to epoxy "It's raining men".

behind the doves, sexy perodactyl comes flying over the crowd.

*chic noir thinks to self*

" wow, that's got to be a sign something bad about to happen"

*whiskey looks up with mouth open*

sexy perodactyl lets it ripe

*chic noir hands whiskey a tissue from inside her bra &returns attention back to epoxy*

epoxy rips off his shirt

*chic noir dead faints*

The nice betas and omegas imagine what life would be life if only they looked like epoxy. While the bitter betas hate saying things like:

He can't be str8.

STr8 men aren't born that good-looking.

He got a nose job, calf implants, peck implants and a brain implant.

chic noir says to self " that lil grl sure is one lucky woman"

desi mumbles to self " he ain't all that, for one thing his mother probably...."

chic noir to desi" hush desi, don't mess up a fantasy"

The alphas look at epoxy and mumble to themselves "yea he's goodlooking, but I got game"

lil grl comes walks out to the mumbles of a choirs of angry bitter betas.

"she isn't all that" "I've seen beter" " did I tell you about that 10 I met in Taiwan, lil grl ain't nothing compared to her" " she was suppose to be ours" " I can't stand that lil grl" "she to arrogant" " I just angry cause she didn't want my pott bellied baulding, smelly body"

When what comes out, the betas mumble now that's a proper girl. what winks at morselex,morselex blows a kiss. the two then sneak off where no one can find them.

Two minutes later, food is brought out and the alphas eat first. Great big cuts of meat, most of which Dave from Hawaii caught earlier in the morning. Endless gobblets of the finest red Italian wine whose grapes were smashed by the hottest 10s in Italy is brought out for the alphas to drink.


The betas wait for a glass a water.

Just then.... A load sound of thunder roars overhead. everyone looks up.

Stay tunned for the next episode.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

How Obama can win the election in 2012

Weeks after giving birth, French women are offered a state-paid, extended course of vaginal gymnastics, complete with personal trainer, electric stimulation devices and computer games that reward particularly nimble squeezing. The aim, said Agnes de Marsac, a physiotherapist who runs such sessions: “Making love again soon and making more babies.”
Perineal therapy is ubiquitous in France as free nursery schools, generous family allowances, tax deductions for each child, discounts for large families on high-speed trains, and the expectation that after a paid, four-month maternity leave mothers are back in shape — and back at work

well ladies and gentleman I think I've figured out how Obama can win his second term. Not only that but he can come out as the Socialist the Republicans and Tea Partiers like to call him.

If Obama amends the "obamacare" bill to add this , I predict that obama will win the popular vote by a sweeping margin.

What man would complain? Well maybe the bitter betas would form a party in opposition since they won't be in a position to enjoy the fringe benefits but I think most men will gladly switch political parties.

Madame hello wrote Now you may correct me if I’m wrong but I think that a lot of black women have complexes over their attractiveness what is promoted in the media and interracial dating can play on those insecurities. But maybe I am wrong.

well hello, let me answer your question honestly. I AM JEALOUS AS PHUCK OF FRENCH WOMEN! no other group of women on God's green earth inspire such feelings.

shot out to the nytimes

Sunday, October 10, 2010

I got married!

In case you were wondering where I went to a few weeks ago. I tied the knot. I know surprising right.
*chic noir rolls eyes*

default user and I are now husband and wife.

ao.efe,SD and all the others... eat you hearts out.

who says my baby can't dance.
hat tip cranberry girls

Thursday, October 7, 2010

alphas are born not made son!

Provider beta being owned by a 2-year old alpha.
Jeez, a beta can't get no respect.

*whiskey sighs & utters*

"Tell me about it chic"

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

alpha designer

hey folks
*chic noir waves excitedly*

*chic noir takes a sip of organic grass feed wheat juice*

now now guys. I noticed that number of blogs have this we vs them things going about. what's interesting is that the non NAM crowd keep referring to themselves as a group.

they aren't.
typical ameri an thinking

*snorts like a snobby hipster*

Well that reminded me of something I'd seen not so long ago.

It's a post on how Europeans(stereotypically) view one another.
I found it very interesting and I hope you do too.

Oh & in case you doubt this ... the guy who made the maps name is alpha designer .

where alpha lives

Europe according to France

Europe according to Germany

Europe according to the USA

Europe according to Russia

Europe according to paland Poland

Europe according to Italy
Italy according to posh Italians

europe according to bulguria

Europe according to Britain

Europe according to according to European gay men

Cyprus swimming in the sea at night

all credit given to alpha

actually this guy is a beta going for alpha. yall give this man some work.

workout week

Well, since we've kicked around fat women in these parts, why don't we go to work on the tubby males of the species.

*a group of fat feminists cheer in unison*

*chic noir winks at tim*

Thursday, September 30, 2010

about blogs

Status, something that can be found in other places besides the chubby ring finger of 30 year old women who've hit the wall via a provider beta.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Quiz Time!

Well I'm sure most of you have heard about the quiz on various religious. Just another one of those sample quizzes that are used to make fun of the dumbness of average Americans. esp us NAMS *DA weeps*. Well imagine my surprise when I did much better than most of the population. I did much much much better than my average NAM, high school graduate but only slightly better than my fellow agnostic/atheist.

my score was 87% or 13/15.

I got two of the questions which I just knew I had right wrong.
the bread & wine questions as well as the ten commandments wrong wrong wrong.

first great awakening ques, got that one right surprisingly. twas able to eliminate one of the answers right off the bat and I thought a lil bit about the other two names.

I guess it really doesn't matter either way, I'm still a NAM.
*whiskey sighs*

*chic noir sings "Life Of NAM" with David Alexander"
*one crocodile tear slides down her face*

you can take the quiz here, let me know your score in the comments

*chic noir holds up index finger*

one more tres interesting fact about the quiz, atheists&agnostics scored very well on the eastern religions ques.

*chic noir pulls at hairs on her chiny chin chin*

Now I have a theory on why do you?

more wisdom from grandma

Monday, September 27, 2010

times are hard

let this help you with your perspective.

some people are weather than others.

Is it me, or does the lady walking with the little girl have a bad case of man jaw?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

90's supermodels

Now now, time for some fashion folk.

Wow Helena Christensen was very beautiful back in her day. I had no idea.

Friday, September 10, 2010

workout week- the feminist lawyer nonfat latte edition

It's not her fault she can't lose weight? it's her slow metabolism & her bad thyroid . don't forget about the cortisol flowing through her veins since she doesn't get much sleep, fighting the patriarchy is a fulltime job folks.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

So You Want To Be An Alpha

1. remember the power of social proof. don't become known a the guy willing to slum it up wit cigstache and her crew. it's better to have a short stay in the hospital room than to have had a "2" have her wicked way with you.

2. alphas know that they are their surroundings & thoughts become reality.

3. alphas are multitaskers. they can combine romance and bromance.

4.Alphas don't get caught

5. an alpha knows how to pick his battles.

don't get owned by a man old enough to be your gramps. This fool caught a mini beat down via four from the AARP posse.

P.S. an alpha knows that mistakes sometimes happen. only betas sweat the small stuff

Monday, September 6, 2010

The most beautiful women in the world

So abagond, sofia and femx have all written their lists of the world's most beautiful women.

If I had to trade in my face, I wouldn't mind trading faces with any of the women on this list.

The world's most beautiful women- the chocolate edition.

Now i've seen women in the streets who are as good looking as most of those listed but I don't have pictures of those women. this post should be world's most beautiful famous blk women.

I put these women up in random order. I tried to use pictures that were natural looking and except for Je.ssica, exclude women who've had a noticeable amount of plastic surgery.

there are a few people who I left out who should be in this list for sure.

A few great beauties who i didn't add are wendy fitzwilliam,beverly johnson, iman, kenya moore, adrianna lima, Beyonce*,Waris Darie,lauren london, lanisha cole, kathleen bradley, model lisa butler, and fatima siad. There are a couple of bald black models whose names escape me.

Here's my list in no particular order

*chic noir smashes symbols together*

1. model jes.sica white is an American. She was beautiful before and even after the nose job.

2. gabrielle union- American and almost 40. now this is how I'm trying to age. her smile puts her over the top.

3.model Aminata Niaria is from Senegal

4. One of my older brothers introduced her to me. He was in love with her back in the day.

Here's rachael in real time.

5. Beverly Peele- an American

5. roshumba williams is an American.

6. Dorothy Dandridge was an American

7. donyale luna was an American- what a long lean elegant but very troubled woman. Afrobella has written the best tribute that i've come across to date on miss luna. read it here . There's something about luna that captivates people cause that post is as old as dirt yet people are still commenting on it until today. read update here and tribute blog to luna here

8. agbani darego from Nigeria. she was the first blk African Miss World. she made top 10 in the miss universe pageant before going on to win the miss world pageant

9. genevieve nnaji from Nigeria

10. Karen Alexander- she was a top blk model in the 80's.

11. N.i.a Long from the good ole USA. this is an old picture of n.ia. her face has changed a lot as she's aged. Yes sometimes we crack too.

12. Ataui Deng from Sudan

13. Lais Riberio from Brazil . she looks like a lighter version of Jessica White. she's in the second half of the video.

14. Liya Kabede from Ethopia

15. Yasmen Warisame from Somalia. She looks like a very pretty boy, a very androgenous look.

I have a male version of this list coming up. I'm also making lists for other races of women.