Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Dating Rules For Men via A Woman

preface: my darling whiskey, I know you said I give men awful advice let me try again.

Chic Noir’s PUA advice for men…

1.have confidence

2.remember, she poops too.

3.take the time to look nice. Good clothes, shoes and a nice haircut will help you feel better about yourself when approaching a woman which will in turn heighten your confidence.

4.have something to talk about when you approach.

5.don’t give off the creepy weird guy vibe. Avoid jerky hand movements, weird facial expressions, intense staring with a woman you haven’t vibed with and bad posture.

6.don’t stare at woman for longer than 30 without saying a simple hello. Look at the woman’s response to you hello. That should give something to go on. Does she look excited to be approached by you? If not, proceed with caution.

7.if one turns you down, remember there are 3 billion more.

8. be careful of your internal thoughts when approaching women. We can read your thoughts fellas.

9. know your speed.

10. don’t be desperate. Janka is almost as pretty as Epoxy but scares the heck out of many women because he comes across as desperate and hypersexed.

11. be yourself but don't give her everything within the first day of meeting you.

12. if she doesn't call when she says she will, don't be angry when she finally returns your call. just find something or someone to amuse you instead.

13. avoid hardcore bar rats, they will burn you in more ways than one.

Monday, November 16, 2009

life in chateau R (episode 3) expanded edition

So folks it's Alias Clio and Patrick H's big day. Why everybody and I do mean everybody from the chateau came out to see Clio get married. Even Mandy xd flew in to see clio and patrickh exchange vows.

*agnostic and ganon look over at the newly legal Mandy and shake their heads*
*said in unison*

“She is now 18 and past her peak”

racerx flexes his snake like tongue at clio and mouths, "you better come and get a piece before you exchange vows"

*clio shudders*

I don't know who came up with this seating arrangement. They put Lurker between Zunder and Mandy XD and they sandwiched Gig between Nicole and Jamilla. Willard was seated between Ruby and Joe.

The drink brothers, Whiskey and Rum walk to there seats. Whiskey sits in the second row with a dazed expression on his face while he repeats over and over to himself "But PatrickH is more beta than I am, but Patrick H is more beta than I am, but PatrickH is more beta than I am".

chic noir and PA sit in the last pew to comfort a very distraught Tupac. Between looking after tupac, defaulta, and default Jr,chic noir's hands are tied.

Out of the corner of chic noir's eye she spots Lady Raine walk in with a low cut red dress and Femx walk in with a blk lacy see thru number.

chic noir thinks to self* now they know this is suppose to be clio's day so why would they dress like that*

Poetry of Flesh comes strutting thru. Maurice and Firepower look at her with their mouths hanging open. Poetry is wearing a tasteful dress that gently skims her bountiful feminine curves.

*tupac lets out a small wale*

So far tupac has gone thru two boxes of kleenex.

*chic noir walks over to where doug and Mu are sitting*

Either of you alphas have a handkerchief you can loan tupac?

*doug pulls out a cotton handkerchief*
*Mu pulls out a blk silk handkerchief with his initials inscribed in the corners*
*doug growls but keeps it down for clio*

chic noir snatches both and utters a thanks over her shoulder.

Well it looks like it's time to get this show started but people are still talking and gossiping amongst themselves.

Ferdinand Bamu stands up and yells to the crowd " “Everybody shut up, I said quite right now".

Ferdinand Bamu alpha scowls and pops his collar.

When Ferdinand sat down, you could hear a pin drop.

DA starts playing the piano and Clio came down the aisle. She had Roissy walk her down the aisle since she's known him longer than any of the men of ChateauR.

*dun dun du dun *

What a beauty Clio was in her white gown. and boy did she pick a perfect gown to highlight her beauty. The whiteness of the gown was almost blinding as it reflected Clio's purity. For a minute I thought the dress was transparent and I guess Tupac did too because he was quite for about 30 seconds.

Boy ole boy is PatrickH gonna have a good time parting those tight folds. Or, either get a herniated disk in his back from having to go where no man has gone before.

30 minutes late….

The reverenced asks " is there anyone here who objects to these two becoming man and wife"

Everyone turns to look at Tupac who remains silent but his body is racked by a violent wave of sobs.

Suddenly, Whiskey stands and yells "But but but PatrickH is more betta than I am"

*the guests take a sharp intake of air*
Willard to whiskey: Whiskey if you don’t sit your delusional azz down.

Whiskey sits down and the reverend picks up where he left off.

It's now time to exchange rings and Gunslinger, the Ring-bearer can't find the rings. Aw man..
don't worry he found them, he dropped them inside of his flask for safe keeping.

A few minutes later, it was now time for Patrick H to kiss his bride.

chic noir and PA dive on tupac to keep him seated and quite.

two hours later....

the wedding went off with only a few small glitches but it was a very lovely wedding. clio and patrickh are now husband and wife.

So everybody’s at the reception and firepower gives a toast.

PatrickH oh lucky you are
we can all see clio's purity from afar
I expect you to be hitting all night until very late tomar.

30 minutes later guess who walk in....

Lady Raine and Femx, they've decided that clio has had enough attention for the day and now it's their turn. the two start drinking and dancing. lady raine dances with willard but breaks away for a spin around the pole. Old habits die hard.

I could write out the rest but I'll just let you look at.

video via wendyista