Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Fashion Don't 1

Now I love stilettos as much as the next drag queen but??? It okay to struggle for fashion but know when to throw in your hand. SJP please put on some ballerina flats immediately

chateu r's 1st talent show

So folks it looks like we’re still having trouble paying the bills in château R. I wonder if that has anything to do with R’s very shady accountant Seeking Alpha. Well once again, the gang had to hatch a plan to figure out how they were going to pay another large bill.

This time chic noir came up with a novel idea of having a talent show featuring the men of chateau R. Chic Noir questioned each residents for any natural talents that they have. Like groups of people anywhere, some have more natural talent (HBD?) than others.

So the day of the show comes around and here is how things went down.

Chic Noir is backstage running around like a chicken with its’ head cut off trying to keep everyone and everything organized.

First person out to perform, Lurker….

*lurker walks to the stage with his violin*

* the crowd gets so quite you can hear a pin drop

Just as lurker places his bow on the strings, one of the females working concessions drops a bottle of soda.

*lurker looks up like a wild animal*

*lurker lets loose*

“You idiot,, you k*mstain… you f f face… how dare you make a sound while I’m performing.”

*lurker jumps from the stage and charges like a pull *

*concessions worker looks like a dear in the headlights*

*concessions worker screams for dear life

Two alphas white night the young woman and save her life.

After the crowd calms down, Chic Noir walks to the stage to introduce the next act.

Ladies,alphas,betas and omegas… the next act I’m going to introduce you to is our very own number one alpha . Ladies and gentleman, please put your hands together for doug dapper.

*audience claps*

Doug does a Jeff Foxworthy esq piece on Alphas and Betas.

You know you’re an alpha when you just walk past women and give them gina tingles.

* the inconspicuous beta ( AJ travis’s friend) looks pissed*

Doug: You know you’re an beta when even you’re houseplants turn away from you.

* inconspicuous beta pulls out his list to underline and highlight doug’s name*

Doug: you know you’re an beta when, you go on a date with a woman, spend all your money and only get a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night.

The beta and omegas start to boo doug while the alphas fall over with laughter.

inconspicuous beta is really pissed now, he pulls out a voodoo doll in the image of doug and starts stabbing it.

*whiskey thinks to himself*
“I know doug isn’t telling these people my secrets”

Chic noir sees the commotion and has to think of a way to calm audience down before a full scale riot breaks out.

Chic noir thinks to self: I must put on a unifying or calming act next.

* a light bulb turns on in chic noir’s head*

Chic noir to self: I’ll put on my sweetheart next.

Chic noir to goes on stage: Ladies,alphas,beta and omegas lets give it up for doug1 one more time.

*sparse applause amongst loud boos are heard*

*chic noir ducks a tomato*

Chic noir: yikes

Chic noir: okay ladies and gentleman, this next act is my very own sweetheart. Please welcome Default User performing ….Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean.

*Chic noir thinks to self*
I sure hope default isn’t trying to tell me something with his choice of song.

Default takes to the stage and does his best MJ impersonation with silver glove and sequin jacket. Default even has on the MJ style high water pants, thick white socks and penny loafers. The women of château R as well as those visiting, scream with delight. A few women pass out from seeing default command that stage like an alpha and pump his pelvis and grab his junk as if the spirit of Michael Jackson has entered his body.

Default even gets his “hehe oww” and “shamons” to sound just like MJ’s.

Default completes his performance to wild applause, bows and exits the stage.

Chic noir takes to the stage: okay folks lets give it up for my man, default user.

*crowd burst in another round of applause, loud cheering, and a standing ovation*

*Chic noir looks out into the audience with the world’s biggest Colgate smile on her face*

*chic noir’s happiness with her man’s (yes aoefe, my man) performance is beyond words*

*chic noir prepares to announce the next performer*

Chic noir: Ladies and Gentlemen… I would like to announce Davis Alexander, he will be performing a song he wrote himself.

*the piano is wheeled out*

Now this isn’t just any piano. It’s a alpha grand piano of the highest order. It was made to accommodate and be played by alphas and alphas only. In the event that a beta or omega attempts to play it, the fall-board will slam shut on a beta or omega’s fingers.

*the fall board has been tied back to protect the fingers of DA*

It took much coaching from Joe, Nicole, t, and chic noir to get DA to perform. We knew he had musical talent but DA was unwilling to show it. DA thinks that showing, his talent will give the stereotype of blk folks having a natural gift for music more credence.

*DA meekly walks on stage and seats himself at the piano*

* the crowd sits on the edge of their seats

DA starts playing the piano and sings….

♫Life of a beta…so sad and blur.

♫Walking up to an eight and having her look at you with so much hate…life of beta♫

♫Life of a beta… so sad and blue. Life of a beta, never knowing if a girl is really in to you♫

♫Walking up to a 10 and having her pretend that you aren’t there while she plays with her hair… life of a beta♫

♫Life of beta … so sad and blue. Life of a beta… knowing no woman really wants you♫

♫Having a six turn her back on you while making a face like your breath smells like dodo♫

♫Life of beta … so sad and blue. Life of a beta… thinking the humiliation is not worth going thru♫

*The crowd is really feeling DA at this point…. And people are singing the chorus right along with him word for word*

*DA gets pumped and pours out raw emotion*

♫But I got my baby Athena, she makes me feel like a real man. She takes my hand and tells me baby just be as alpha as you can. I never thought I would meet a woman with whom I could bond, who lets me keep all my blkonblond ♫

♫Life of beta so sad and blue. Life of betttttttttttttttttttttttttttttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ♫

*DA slumps on the keyboard after he is done*

The crowd breaks into a thunderous applause. There is not a dry eye in the house. The omegas are in the back row crying and rolling around on the floor like two year olds. The betas are crying too.

Even the alphas are crying but not like everyone else. See alpha tears are different. With alphas, one tear sneaks down onto the cheekbone to check it anyone is watching. If someone is watching, the tear just rest on the cheekbone like a drop of sweat. If no one is watching, it makes a quick exit from the cheekbone down into the alphas shirt collar.

Even the ladies are moved by DA’s performance.

Sophia and Keith kiss like newlyweds

Aoefe and Bhetti, who normally despise weakness in a man, group hug random omegas.

Kym, al, bonnie and the other feminists, for once have empathy for men and give out sweet hugs.

Dana the bitter beta hatter feels a moment of charity brought on by DA’s song. She takes three random betas into the back. As the four were walking to the back row, a lowly z-list omega walks up to dana and with down cast eyes ,shoulders slumped, and the voice of a 5 year old girl asks if he can come too. Dana looks at him with a look of disgust but then the chorus of DA’s song plays thru her head. Dana invites the omega to back the row. In 15 minutes, dana put the four to sleep.

Lucky enough, R raised enough money to save his home this time.

Saturday, September 26, 2009


Off topic fashion crowd

he stuck his fingers in his ears and sang to mute my response.

chic noir wrote Now go ahead and ban/comment moderation me for the night.
R-man wrote [nah, i'd rather watch you twist in the wind. cunt.]

Guess what he banned me 5 minutes later.


What a coward.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Grandma chic

Oh how I adore older women who are cool and or elegant.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

From the book of Tyra 2

Tyra said "know your angles". Do you see the angle this young lady is holding her face??? Well Darlings, she is doing that to highlight her best feature. Practice practice practice.

Monday, September 21, 2009

From the Book of Tyra

Why does the boot below resemble a certain Givenchy boot from a season or two ago???

So these are the pieces that I adored from the Alexander Wang show. To be honest, I was a bit underwhelemed. It's not that this collection was bad, there wasn't anything that really jumped out at me.
Here is to hoping for a better collection next season from Mr. Wang.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

About Senator Edward (Ted) Kennedy

an excellent comment from one of the PUA blogs I sometimes read and comment on.

Ari Hinkelberger
Guy defended the minimum wage so Papa Johns paid you a decent wage when you were making pizzas and living in that housing project.

Guy brought you the American with Disabilities Act so your deformed ugly as brother would have a ramp to ride up and not have to have his heavy wheel chair picked up and carried up the staris .

Guy championed the Family and Medical Leave Act so your fat fucking wife could take a few days off after she had your ugly kid.

Guy rallied for the Pell Grant so your poor redneck ass could afford that pile of shit college degree you got.

Guy prevented that pile of shit Robert Bork from getting to the US Supreme court which everyone agrees would have likely lead to the overturn of Roe v. Wade (Antony Kennedy took his spot and has since upheld Roe v. Wade)

Guy championed passed No Child Left Behind so that idiotic high school teacher you had was forced to teach you something and not ramble about her days roaming the African Safaree smoking pot.

Guy passed the voting rights act so racist ass morons like George Wallace could put in place things like the “Poll Tax” and “ID Requirements” to prevent black people for voting for Democrats.

Guy passed the National Cancer Act would funded the national cancer institue 5k fold and has helped America become the greatest treater of cancer illness in the world.

Guy mandated equal funding for Title IX which allowed your ugly sister to be able to play on the field hockey team that cost the University of What-the-fuck-ever 500k bucks a year to run.

Guy was the lead Democrat on the “Ryan White Act” which proposed massive government funding to treat and work on a cure for the AID virus.

Guy was one of the authors of the Health Insurance Portability Act which requires your dog shit employer to offer you that health insurance when they fire your ass and provides for major safe guards and secrecy when it comes to your medical records.

Guy was the lead proponent with Paul Wellstone for the Mental Health Parity Act that required insurance companies to cover mental health at the same level of acute care treatment. Meaning that copay you get in your health care plan must cover a trip to the shrink – which lord knows you need based on this rant.

Guy was the lead of 1997 legislation that expanded the State Children’s Health Insurance Program – it was the largest expansion health insurance coverage for children in the U.S. since Medicaid began in the 1960s.

Not to mention the fact that his brother introduced the Civil Rights Act which is probably the most notable piece of social change legislation in the history of the country.

I wasn’t a big fan of his view on defense related issues…but you gotta give the guy some credit. He has voted on every single Supreme Court Nominee – his chief counsel Steven Breyer was on the Supreme Court.

Guy is a walking legend and his legislative accomplisments touched the lives of every American. Whether it was your wife needing some time off and wanted maternity leave – or whether it was the minimum wage you earned as a kid working at your local store while in high school – or maybe it was pell grant you got your senior year in college.

Guy deserves some respect and credit for making this country a more compassionate and loving nation.

via roisy in DC

That's the only time I can recall Ari Hinkelberger leaving a comment. Funny enought, his one comment is perhaps the most memorable from that blog.

Chic Noir loves fashion but it isn't everything!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

speaking of naomi campbell

ladies and gentleman, Naomi is no genetic freak of nature. It runs in the family. check out her mom. she kinda reminds me of Tyra because of the coloring.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

How to make your forever21 clothing last

After reading this post, I've decided to share my secrets on how to preserve clothing from forever 21.
*Chic noir steps into the room ready to teach the class*
How to wash/preserve clothing from forever 21 …

1. Buy yourself a lingerie bag from your local dollar store. Seriously, they are like one buck in most dollar stores.

2 . Buy yourself three bottles of woollite. One for whites, another for brights and the third for dark colors.
Psss... There is even a 1.50 cent cupon on the site. big savings kiddo big savings. Now don't spend it all in one place.

3. Take your forever 21 clothing and fold it up neatly.

4. Always wash your forever 21 clothing with like colors.

5. Then place your clothing inside of the lingerie bag.

6. Place the lingerie bag containing your forever 21 clothes inside of your washing machine.

The next step is major folks…

7. Turn the dial to cold water for both the wash and rinse cycles.

8. Turn your spin cycle to the gentle setting.

9. When your clothing has finished washing, promptly remove from the washing machine.

10. By yourself a drying rack or allow to dry on a flat surface.

If you follow these steps your forever 21 clothing should last a bit longer.

Things you should know:

Dark color cotton has a tendency to fade, even higher end cotton.

The lingerie bag helps to prevent snagging and stretching of your garments.

Use a steamer if you need to remove wrinkles, irons destroy clothing over time esp cheap materials.

Dryer also fry your clothing over time and sometimes shrink fabrics like cotton.

Woolite for dark clothing is Godsend. I’ve used it to wash black jeans and I’ve had no fading.

Have any questions??? Leave them in the comment section.
Tootaloo for now darlings.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

From the book of Tyra Banks 1

Tyra banks said "smile wit your eyes chile"

This young man should cohost an episode of Top Model. Get into how he is smiling with his eyes.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Bag lady chic

Look at those fabrics.

*overly feminine drag queen sigh*

You see the difference is, when real people try to do baglady chic, we look like real bag ladies.